


Safe space

by KoreFanFic



Category: No Fandom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:02:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27131512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoreFanFic/pseuds/KoreFanFic
Summary: Literally just a dumping ground for the things I write that have no place anywhere.
Kudos: 1





	1. Car crash

Car Crash

I've spent my whole life being a very numb and confused person. 

Eventually I figured out why. I had been on the wrong side of the road this whole time. So when I finally switched lanes, I thought it would be easier, but apparently the roads were treacherous and someone had forgot to put the warning signs up.

There had been a few things I had missed out on in my life. Certain feelings I had never experienced and never quite understood because they just weren’t there. But wouldn't you know it? 

They were up ahead. Sitting directly in the middle of the road, blocking my path. Again someone had forgot to put warning signs up. 

As I approached it, possibly breaking the speed limit if I’m honest, my chest left lighter, my stomach filled with a feeling I had never had before. 

I’ll admit I put my foot down a little more. I thought the thing in front of me was the thing I had been missing my whole life. Whatever this was, this thing that was blocking my path, I wanted it. And I wanted it bad. 

So when I crashed into the blockade I crashed dramatically and I crashed hard. The collision was in slow motion. I didn’t even notice it was happening until I was already in the air, up side down and no idea what way was up. 

All I could do was watch as pieces of me were left to fly around my head. Large chunks of myself scattering all over the place. 

During the slow motion of me being tossed into the air and thrown through a loop, my mind wandered to nicer things. False hopes and fantasies of things that could never happen in reality. 

I watched them play in front of my eyes like a silent movie, jumping and glitching but it was preferable to watching the car crash I was currently going through. 

For a brief moment I smiled and I hoped that when I blinked I would wake up in the middle of one of those little movies. But instead when I opened my eyes again I was still very much in the front seat of a disaster. 

Hands frantically turning the steering wheel in a desperate attempt to get myself out of this mess. In the end it was pointless, I might as well have tried to sprout wings and take flight. 

It was never going to work. The slow motion stopped and everything was hurled into real time so fast I could feel the whiplash before I had even hit the ground. 

Windows shattered, noise filled my ears and pain rattled through my chest. The car that was my life skidded to a stop, scraping and screeching across the ground. 

I was upside down, the only thing keeping me from smashing my head off the roof of the car was the seatbelt gripping onto my chest for dear life in a vain attempt to keep me safe. 

But it was too late. The damage was done. Sure enough I was able to get out of the car and assess the damage if I wanted to, but I was scared. I didn’t want to look. It was safer if I stayed in the wreck and maybe if I waited long enough time would go backwards to before the crash and I could hit my brakes instead, or swerve or maybe, heaven forbid, go back the way I came. 

So instead I sat there, hanging upside down from my own seat, hands gripping the steering wheel till my knuckles turned white, staring out the broken windshield refusing to blink from fear that it would make it worse. 

But eventually you have to get out the car. You have to find out if the damage is fixable or if the whole thing is a write off. Not that I needed clarification on that. I could feel it in my chest. This car was scrap. 

It was an oversized paperweight by this point. Only good for holding down some spare papers from flying off in the wind. So I unbuckle my belt, crumple into the ceiling, glasses and debris digging into my skin. 

I have to kick the windshield to get out. I crawl through shattered glass and debris and get to my feet begrudgingly. I can hear the sound of the windshield crunching under my feet and I feel it breaking in my chest. 

I dont turn around. I dont look at the car behind me. Too scared incase I make eye contact with the blockade that caused it. I take a deep breath. Finally turn to face it and the damage. 

But when I turn around the road is empty. There’s nothing for miles except the pathetic remains of the car. Pieces discarded around me in every direction. There’s nothing blocking the road and honestly speaking, that’s probably because there was never there in the first place. 

It was all in my head. I had imagined it. Crashed into something that was never there. Isn’t that just the beautiful part? All that damage, all that disaster and pain and I did it to myself. 

Ironic that the first time I feel something I had been missing my whole life, it was completely made up in my own mind. 

Out of nowhere, another car passes by me, driving around the pile of broken metal and glass in the middle of the road. I can hear the sound of its tires crushing a piece of my wrecked car as it passes. 

And sitting there in the front seat, not paying me the slightest bit of attention to me as it passes, is the blockade I had sworn I’d seen earlier. 

Eyes front, focused on the road ahead. And it passed by, not even acknowledging the disaster at my feet. 

So now here I am, standing in the aftermath, watching as the thing I thought was infront of me, which never was, drives off, fades into the distance with no idea of what had just happened. I’m left with two options. 

Stay, and try pick up the remains. Or I can brush the broken glass from my knees and start walking. I might walk. I like walks. 

And at least I’m on the right side of the road this time. 


	2. Never Sent

_ *apparently not enough* _

_ *You don't mean that* _

_ *at least not how I want you to* _

_ *this hurts* _

_ *I don't want to do this anymore* _

_ *I was right* _

_ *I knew this would happen* _

_ *I should never have let myself think there was a chance* _

_ *I don't want you to do it* _

_ *I was never going to be good enough for you anyway* _

_ *I love you* _


	3. Pulling Teeth

It used to be so natural

Like breathing in the smell of summer

It used to be so easy

Like blinking in the warm sunlight.

When did it change?

It feels so difficult now.

Like climbing a mountain in bare feet.

It feels so painful now

Like pulling teeth from my own mouth.

Can I change it back?

Should I try change it back? 

Am I fighting an already lost battle?

Is there any going back?

Back to breathing in summer.

Back to natural.

Back to blinking in the sunlight.

Back to easy.

I don't like climbing in bare feet.

I don't like difficult.

I don't like pulling out my own teeth.

I don't like painful. 


	4. A Compliment

A compliment.

Twisted and turned into a criticism.

An invitation.

Melted down into pity.

A gesture of kindness.

Deformed down into charity.

A show of love.

Chipped down to mocking.

Everything always going down until there is nowhere else to go. The bottom of the barrel, the lowest level of despair.

By then the kind and the caring grow tired and irritated. 

They roll their eyes and walk away, only looking back to check it's still breathing out of obligation. 

Once they are gone, far away from the problem, only then does it decide to stop breathing.


	5. Silence

It sits and waits. 

Always there. Always watching.

Every change in tone. Every sharp response.

One word. That's all it takes. 

A negative one. A slightly impolite one.

And it takes that word. Holds it tight with both claws and it runs. Runs on hooves of nightmares. 

Takes it to far away places that normally don't make sense. 

But now they do. Now they are the only sense. 

The only possible outcome. They are the only truth. 

Everything else is a lie. No matter how true they might be they are a lie.

It feeds on the small changes. But it feeds more on the silence. 

The gaps between responses.

When there is no sound. No words. It's worse than negative words. 

It roars louder than any argument. 

Louder than any screaming. 

It fills the air, clouds the judgement. It eclipses the joy. 

The happiness that was once there. And it grows and spreads and stretches.

Until it covers everything, a black blanket of fear and tears and hatred. 

When there is silence it can make its own words. 

Can create horrible fantasies, build cruel reasoning for the silence. 

It will make sense 

It does make sense. Of course the reason for the silence is hatred. 

Of course the reason for the silence is exhaustion. 

The more it speaks it's ugly lies the more it seems like the ugly truth.

Through inaction and insecurity it becomes reality. 

It gags , mutes and silences. 

Until all that is left is silence.

  
  



End file.
